BIG!

I am an over-the-top, larger than life kinda gal. I like to do everything BIG! I figure, "why bother?"  if I can't do something on a grand scale. It's a weird, quirky thing about myself that I have learned to accept over time.

I am sure I need some sort of medication.

So when I walked around my house this evening, I intentionally ignored all the piles of laundry, the fact that my bare feet were sticking to the floor, and half-filled cups in every room of my house. I don't have time to tackle a deep clean this week. So why bother even tidying up a few flat surfaces. I told you I am an all-or-nothing woman.

When a random thought popped in my head that I should set the table pretty for dinner tonight, I wondered who had put something in my cup of tea. Totally unlike me. My kids were at a baseball game with their daddy, I had the house to myself. I could practice my denial tactics with no one to influence by my poor example. Or my excellent example--of a sluggard! :)

My house looks like a tornado hit. I would ordinarily serve the crock pot meal on paper goods and toss it all in the trashcan on a night like tonight. But that disturbing thought was planted in my head--set the table pretty for my family.

Without so much as wiping off this morning's cheerios, I put a cloth over my table. Wrinkles and all. I placed my Mothers Day bouquet in the center and folded up some napkins next to our everyday dishes. Nothing fancy.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY OOOHed AND AHHHed OVER MY SIMPLE 5 MINUTE GESTURE!

When we had our "best, worst and weirdest" table time conversation, all of my children said that my nice dinner was their "best" for today. My not-normally-gushing, in fact, mostly-unobservant boy thanked God in his prayer for his wonderful mommy and her beautiful (HIS word) table. Kate said she felt like she was at a five star  restaurant. Did I mentioned that the kitchen counter was laden with morning (and afternoon) dishes, the chairs needed to be swiped off before sitting because of crumbs, and you could see the bumps underneath the cloth? Nothing beautiful in this picture. Not one fancy thing. But this simple little bit of five-minute effort made the world of difference to my family.

Why do I always feel like I have to do things perfectly if I am even going to make an attempt? This warped need or pressure or feeling or mental handicap or whatever it is paralyzes me from even beginning some things. Good things.  

I do believe that good is the enemy of best. I do. In some areas. But I need to balance this belief with a big 'ole dose of GRACE. I am beginning to see that ordinary, small, random acts of kindness are what fill my days with quiet joy and pleasure.

All the small, almost insignificant moments that go unnoticed if I am not careful. Mindful.

Sisters on their bellies in the grass, rehearsing their lines for drama. Hair shining in the sun. Not a moment of sibling rivalry or bickering.

Little boy rocking back and forth on a pretend-pony at the park. "Look at me mommy!". And that beaming proud face.

Monkey-boy scaling the net at the soccer field and righting himself with incredible dexterity as he almost falls on his head. Almost. And the pleased-with-himself grin that follows.

The teachable  moment in the room alone with the tenderhearted big boy who is still learning to express his hurt. And deal with conflict with words instead of tears. A tight hug to top it off.

A contented kiss from a hubby who doesn't seem to notice that the rest of the house is a health hazard. He is just so happy to have a warm meal in front of him and a wife with a smile.

Simple things.

Oh Lord, teach me to treasure those ordinary moments more than the planned, perfected and prodigious events that I prize.

I Heart My Mom

One of only a few photos of my Mom and Me.

I need to remedy that! This one isn't very flattering!

December 2008

Mothers Day will never be the same for my mom. It was changed forever on December 14, 2008, when her second child died. Bryan was her sweet, funny little boy. He grew up to be a kind, funny big boy. Because I have three sons, imagining the pain of knowing Bryan won't be bringing flowers today slays me. Mothers Day isn't as sweet when two children are now one.

Bryan was a doting son. No one can replace his place as the "Best Gift Giver Ever". He always spoiled my Mom. Now there is just me. I am not so good at doting. And I am terrible at gifts. They aren't my love language. But words are. So this Mothers Day, I offer these words to my beloved Momma:

My mom is a great mom. I won't list all the ways that she showed Bryan and I that we were the most important things in her life. But we always knew. Always. Even though she doesn't use words often, my Mom communicates her love for me in a hundred different unspoken ways. Big ways and small.I know that I am still one of the most important things in her life.

Daily encouragement and prayers, Taco Tuesdays, pre-schooler teaching, new undies, Family Nights, and all the adventures that she joins me on. My mom is present in my life. A comforting, reassuring, constant presence. I am so glad that we live so close. Are so close.

Nothing makes my heart smile more than seeing Kate run into her arms, squealing her name. Nothing makes me laugh harder than watching my Mom act like a kid to make my children giggle. Nothing makes a lump form in my throat quicker than watching my mom cuddled up on the couch reading to Peter.

I am so proud to be her daughter and I honor my Mom on this Mothers Day. For both of us.

On the Fifth Child

I followed all "THE" books with my first child. Breastfed until 14 months. No sugar. Educational Mommy & Me classes. Organic baby food. Childproofed home. Select playdates. Germ-free existence. Well-chosen books and music for enrichment. Daily baths. Flossed teeth. Brushed teeth! And absolutely NO TV!

My firstborn loved to memorize Scripture. She quoted the entire chapter of Luke's Nativity story at Christmastime as a three year old.

I had four more kids.

Otherwise I would have been insufferable. "See, all you need to do is be consistent and parenting isn't so hard." Intolerable. I want to slap me back then.

My fifth is three years old.

Peter came out this week wearing this: he had a Norwegian flag, a Robin Hood hat, a medieval breastplate and a grin. He said, and I quote:

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

With a perfect Spanish accent.

He's seen The Princess Bride, his Daddy's favorite movie, just a few times.

At least I am not a smug momma anymore. The only thing I know after all these kids is that I don't know diddly-squat.

Cinco de Mayo

Here is my Cinco de Mayo post posted on May 8. It isn't in Spanish either. Lo siento.

We were enjoying our Mexican Nachos for dinner on Wednesday evening. All those little hands reaching for the cheese laden chips. I made homemade guacamole as a treat. We love our Mexican food over here in this American/Irish/Norwegian family.

Peter asked, "May I have some more CACAmole Mommy?"

He doesn't speak Spanish either. Thank goodness.

On Mothering

One of my favorite bloggers asked for links that "capture" motherhood in a photo from her readers. In preparation for Mother's Day and all. I like the idea but couldn't decide on just ONE (I do have 5 kids-no way!). Here are a few that make me smile when I remember back over the last 12 years that I have been living in the (Mother) Hood.

And yes, I  posted only one picture of my first pregnancy. Four children in under four years does not a flat belly make. You didn't think I would be THAT transparent, did you?

And it all started with a kiss...

Thanks Kristen, for prompting me to walk down memory lane. I included the Chick-fil-A photo in honor of her. She thinks she is their biggest fan. We may be her rivals.

Man, we have a lot of kids.

Junk Hunt

In an effort to create some energy and fun in the daily routine of keeping rooms tidy around here, I decided to play a game with my kids today during chore time. Junk Hunt. A sort of Show & Tell to raise my children's awareness of our tendency to keep too much useless stuff around. The object of the game was to locate the strangest, most useless item in their room. We are practicing simplification and decluttering this Spring.

Can my kids get credit for that in homeschool?

Back to the game--the judge (me!) would award a prize to the child who cleaned their room and presented his/her object for show and tell in the Junk Hunt contest.

Here are the entries:

Please don't ask about the bottle of wine. I will tell you that it is unopened.

But this object was voted MOST USELESS JUNK:

In case you can't figure out what it is...let me explain. The statue. Not the wine.

This little bronze figurine of Apollo came from Italy from a wonderfully thoughtful family member (who hopefully does not read this blog) who knew we were studying Ancinet Greece in History.

Kate's words during her acceptance speech (they got to eat the chocolate bunny), and I quote:

"Every girl needs their own naked Greek god to watch over her at night."

Spring in My Garden

My dreams for Spring, in no particular order:

I want my kids to get along with each other as they eat their unprocessed, homemade, healthy breakfast. Without me having to get out of bed with them at 6:00am.

I long to be thin again. Without having to give up eating endless chips and guacamole.

I like clean socks, sorted and paired neatly in drawers. Without having to do loads and loads and loads (and loads...) of laundry.

I aspire to have my children well-educated and enriched. While I cuddle up with a good book and a hot cup of tea. After a nap.

I crave an active and healthy lifestyle. Without...well, see above.

I long for a intimate, authentic relationship with God. Without having to listen to Him and obey His Word.

I fancy a close and endearing relationship with my husband. Without having to meet his needs for respect.

I want the world to be a better place for those less fortunate than me. Without having to live sacrifically.

I want to enjoy the children I am raising. Without having to teach them by my example to be patient, selfless, and kind.

I desire to be the kind of person I hope my children become. Without having to actually DO anything.

While I admit that science has never been my thing, it is clear that I lack a fundamental understanding of a basic law of nature. You reap what you sow. For a while now, I have sown weeds and tares and waited expectantly for wholesome fruit and lovely flowers to appear. What a dork.

Today I took a good long look at my "garden" and it feels nearly overwhelming--all this yard work that needs to be done around here. Not just the "real" weeds in our lawn and flower beds and garden spot. But the tares of selfishness, laziness, unkindness, covetousness, bitterness are crowding in. Cleaning up my lot in life seems daunting and back-breaking. Pulling weeds--the ones that threaten to choke out the life of anything lovely in my garden--is definitely not my idea of fun. I don't even know where to start.

Galatians 6:7

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."

That's not true. I do know where to start. I hear Him, the Gardener of my soul, whisper to me that it is when I seek HIM...God's approval and pleasure alone...then He will grant me joy. He will make the tasty fruit grow in my life. He alone can bring something beautiful out of the mess I have made in my weed-filled garden.

Oh the joy of glimpsing (again!) a bit of that BIG truth today. Grace. Grace. Grace.

Nehemiah 8:11

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."

Another Friendly Houseguest

Here is Aidan holding our most recent visitor.

We have a serious problem with keeping doors closed around here. Do I live in a barn? No.

For a gal who is not a natural animal lover, I am feeling like far too many of my posts have to do with the animal kingdom. Well, in addition to the ones about my own crazy monkeys.

I've been  hoping for my college roommate and her family to visit. Got this critter instead, for all my wishing.

Why I Married Bob...Again.

There were several practical reasons to legally perform our marriage vows again. There were even a few romantic reasons to have a renewal ceremony. But that is not why we chose to stand before God and our family and friends and make our promises to one another. Again. In truth, we did not CHOOSE to do it all over again. God did.

We found our original Marriage License in an obscure scrapbook tucked away in the bowels of my closet. Four days before our second Wedding.

We didn't need to get hitched after all.

But we did. God knew we did.

Bob and I needed to watch our first wedding on a poorly shot video. And observe ourselves making our promises seventeen years ago. And cry. We were so young.

We needed to listen to all "our" songs and remember the one that was playing on the radio the night we met. And laugh. We were so young.

We needed to dig out our first vows from storage and say them aloud. And pray. Please God, make them true.

We needed to go through 24 years worth of photos to make a slide show of our growing family. It didn't matter that most of the guests at our second wedding would not watch it. It wasn't for them after all.

We did the whole Renewal Ceremony entirely for Bob and me--for the health and preservation and protection and renewal and restoral and ...of our marriage. He accomplished so much in those two hours. And God knows we needed it all.

I needed my beloved to pursue me again. To bend his knee and ask for my hand all over again.

He needed me to be excited about spending the rest of our days together. To stand before God and vow that he is and always will be the only one for me.

We needed to cry, remember, laugh, and pray together all over again.

I was not a blushing bride this time around.

Bob was not a love struck and naive bridegroom.

Our 17 years together have held sorrow and tears, laughter and joy, triumph and defeat, darkness and light. And God knew that we needed to acknowledge, all over again, that He brought us together, He has kept us together, and in Him alone, we can count on staying together.

God knew I needed to say these words again to my groom, the father of my children, my partner, companion, my better-half, best friend, my beloved:

"Bob, once before I pledged my love and commitment to you. I promised to love you, honor you, obey you, comfort and keep you. I pledged to be by your side in sickness and in health, in times of want and times of plenty, for better or worse. We have shared all those times—sorrow and joy, triumph and defeat. You have been my side as we created a family, a home, a life together. This past year has tested the vows we made when we were young. I haven’t always keep my promises. But God’s Grace has prevailed. There is still no place I’d rather be than in your arms. YOU complete ME. Today, at the beginning of my 18th year as your wife, before God, I renew my vows to you, promising my eternal love and devotion. I take you today, for all my days, as my beloved husband."

Bottomline: We didn't have this fancy second wedding to celebrate all that Bob and I have done right in our years together. We can take no credit for anything good in our marriage, our family, our selves. It is by God's Grace alone that we celebrated our marriage last week. God knew all along.  

Wedding No. 2

My sweet friend April took photos at our recent Wedding or Renewal of our Vows or 17th Anniversary or whatever you want to call it. On April 3, 2010, the beautiful ceremony was held in the Hubbs lovely back yard beneath a vine covered arch. Nearly a hundred of our dear friends and family surrounded us in celebration and love. It was an incredible day! I will tell the story about why this particular day needed to happen again, and why it was ordained by God to be repeated. But for now I offer you my friend's photos.

Since we could not afford our album for Wedding No. 1, these images are especially precious to me. They are raw and uncut--no photo shop to make me lighter or wrinkle-free or sunkissed with highlights in my hair--but they make me smile anyway! Thanks again , April,  for capturing our happy day for us!

Preacher Man Marcelo Officiated

At the Altar. Again.

Renewing our covenant to one another.

Making vows to our children--

Promising to keep Christ the center of our lives, our marriage, our family, our hearts.

                                                                Praying for our family.

A Kiss started it all over 22 years ago!

Bob's good friend Brian offers a blessing.

A Toast--Given by the Best Man--My Daddy!

A Made-With-Love Cake

(Click on any image to enlarge it.)

Honeymoon Photos

A random (because I could not get Blogger to obey me!) photo collage of our honeymoon pictures:

April 4-7, 2010

Bob in front of our favorite Dutch bakery in Solvang, CA on the way to SF. Oh ! the creme puffs!

Bob on his first cable car ride on Hyde Street on the way to Fisherman's Wharf.

My Father wrapped my birthday in rolling green hills and bouquets of flowers. Everything was in bloom!

My 39th Birthday in San Francisco, April 6, 2010

                                                How could we pass up a drive along Pebble Beach--17 miles of gorgeous California Coastline.

Heaven on earth for a beach lover!                                                

                                                          Honeymooners in Carmel 2010

The exact spot we stopped at on our first "honeymoon" on our way back to Chico State at the end of Spring Break. Newlyweds 17 years ago--Still in love today. AWWWH! I'm such a sap!

I love this man! He still floats my boat.

   

Oh Glory!

 Highway 1 has only a few gas stations on the stretch from Big Sur to Cambria.

We almost didn't make it to one. Almost.

They do amazing stuff with bread these days!

We had our clam chowder in a bread bowl but we could have eaten in out of a teddy bear belly?

                                                                                                                               

A racy red Convertible looks good on Bob!

The view of the Golden Gate without a roof!

That's our rented convertible Mustang's shiny red hood in the foreground of this photo.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End.